Welcome to my 31 Days of Christmas movie marathon.  This is a feature where I watch a different Christmas movie every day from now until Christmas.  The rules are simple: The movie has to be something I haven’t already seen and I must watch at least one Christmas-themed movie a day from now until December 25th.  They’ll be some bad ones and hopefully a lot of great ones.  Why put myself through this?  Because it’s a good way to catch up on a lot of Christmas movies and a good way to satisfy my OCD.

On the 25th day of Christmas my true love gave to me… The Yule Log

To award a movie with five platinum stars (the highest rating possible) means only one thing; a true work of ingenious perfection.  The Yule Log, as long and repetitive as it is (over 24 hours), has this distinct honor.

There are many reasons as to why I call this movie “genius”, but the best reason is that it is the only movie I know of that I can leave  for several hours and upon returning feel confident that I didn’t miss a damn thing.  That’s unbelievable, right?  Well, you best believe!  I have been watching this fantastic flaming film every year on the same day and have yet to sit through the entire thing.  But it’s so freaking awesome that staying glued to the screen every second and trying to use my brain isn’t even a requirement, a feat director Michael Bay is still trying to accomplish.  It’s hard to explain without spoiling the movie how this can be, but trust me when I tell you that watching every moment of this movie is not necessary when it comes to basking in its fiery flawlessness. Read More…

Welcome to my 31 Days of Christmas movie marathon.  This is a feature where I watch a different Christmas movie every day from now until Christmas.  The rules are simple: The movie has to be something I haven’t already seen and I must watch at least one Christmas-themed movie a day from now until December 25th.  They’ll be some bad ones and hopefully a lot of great ones.  Why put myself through this?  Because it’s a good way to catch up on a lot of Christmas movies and a good way to satisfy my OCD.

On the 24th day of Christmas my true love gave to me… The Christmas That Almost Wasn’t

The best part about The Christmas That Almost Wasn’t, or as I like to call it, ‘Prunes Hate Gay People, And Santa Is The Gayest’ are its esthetics.    Before you attack me as being a slanderous homophobe for my use of the word “gay”, know that I am using that word the same way the movie does, which is to mean one filled with an ecstatic happiness.  Moving on.  Most all the acting is atrocious, and the gaping vast plot holes seem like dimples when compared to the poorly written characters.  Yet, I loved it!

In fact, some of my favorite mid-60s family entertainment films are loaded with these features; Batman: The Movie (1966), Santa Clause Conquers The Martians (1964), and Help! (1965).  These films are generally received as either guilty pleasuring joyous pieces of entertainment or complete wastes of time.  For the same reason that some people are attracted to ill-fitting and ugly clothes that to them seem wonderous (i.e., my girlfriend’s hideous Christmas sweater), so too am I attracted to the look of these mid-60′s cornball comedies.  The Christmas That Almost Wasn’t easily falls into the category of a guilty pleasuring joyous piece of entertainment camp, and boy is it campy. Read More…

Welcome to my 31 Days of Christmas movie marathon.  This is a feature where I watch a different Christmas movie every day from now until Christmas.  The rules are simple: The movie has to be something I haven’t already seen and I must watch at least one Christmas-themed movie a day from now until December 25th.  They’ll be some bad ones and hopefully a lot of great ones.  Why put myself through this?  Because it’s a good way to catch up on a lot of Christmas movies and a good way to satisfy my OCD.

On the 23rd day of Christmas my true love gave to me… Christmas With The Kranks

Christmas With The Cranks is either a misguided poorly written attempt at evoking the spirit of Christmas through terrible plot holes and a huge suspension of disbelief within the film’s reality, or a brilliant allegorical propagandist film cloaked in American Christmas commercialism that promotes a consumerist fascist ideology.  I’m pretty sure nobody involved in the making of this film was thinking of the latter while making this. Read More…

Welcome to my 31 Days of Christmas movie marathon.  This is a feature where I watch a different Christmas movie every day from now until Christmas.  The rules are simple: The movie has to be something I haven’t already seen and I must watch at least one Christmas-themed movie a day from now until December 25th.  They’ll be some bad ones and hopefully a lot of great ones.  Why put myself through this?  Because it’s a good way to catch up on a lot of Christmas movies and a good way to satisfy my OCD.

On the 22nd day of Christmas my true love gave to me… Home alone 3

For the longest time Home Alone has always been firmly rooted on my top 10 all time Christmas movies list.  I even enjoy the second installment enough to own and still watch from time to time.  Knowing that not one returning cast member had returned for part 3 and how poorly it was received I had no problem living the rest of my life having never seen this movie.  But, now that I’m putting myself through this crazy marathon, I figured why not finally give this movie a try.  The truth is, it’s not nearly as bad as I have been led to believe, yet it’s still not all that good.  Much the way Alien 4 and Godfather III get shat on all the time, yet if you watch them as stand alone movies, they’re really not that bad. Read More…

Welcome to my 31 Days of Christmas movie marathon.  This is a feature where I watch a different Christmas movie every day from now until Christmas.  The rules are simple: The movie has to be something I haven’t already seen and I must watch at least one Christmas-themed movie a day from now until December 25th.  They’ll be some bad ones and hopefully a lot of great ones.  Why put myself through this?  Because it’s a good way to catch up on a lot of Christmas movies and a good way to satisfy my OCD.

On the 21st day of Christmas my true love gave to me… Christmas Is Here Again

Can a movie, animated or not, bank most of its laughs on the usage of only two words?  Two words, that when put together will always be funny, especially in a kids movie – “Santa’s sack”.  Does having Jay Leno narrate a movie distract from the story and call attention to his high-pitched lisping?  Can a  straight-to-DVD animated kids movie that most people have never heard of before, one which is rated a 5.4 on IMDB and certified rotten on rottentomatoes.com, be any good at all, yet alone not seem like a waste of time?  And most importantly is it true that Andy Griffith is really still alive?  The answers to all these questions is a resounding yes! Read More…

Welcome to my 31 Days of Christmas movie marathon.  This is a feature where I watch a different Christmas movie every day from now until Christmas.  The rules are simple: The movie has to be something I haven’t already seen and I must watch at least one Christmas-themed movie a day from now until December 25th.  They’ll be some bad ones and hopefully a lot of great ones.  Why put myself through this?  Because it’s a good way to catch up on a lot of Christmas movies and a good way to satisfy my OCD.

On the 20th day of Christmas my true love gave to me… Jack Frost

There are an abundance of campy horror movies for almost every holiday, but not many embrace the lunacy of those 1950s and early 1960s B-movie schlock quite like this one – intentionally or not.

Before I go any further into the review I should point out that this Jack Frost is not the rated PG  father-son family movie where Michael Keaton dies and then comes back to life as a snowman.  This movie is rated R and is about a serial killer who dies, comes back to life as a snowman, and then seeks revenge on not only the policeman responsible for arresting him, but the policeman’s entire village as well.  A slight difference. Read More…

Welcome to my 31 Days of Christmas movie marathon.  This is a feature where I watch a different Christmas movie every day from now until Christmas.  The rules are simple: The movie has to be something I haven’t already seen and I must watch at least one Christmas-themed movie a day from now until December 25th.  They’ll be some bad ones and hopefully a lot of great ones.  Why put myself through this?  Because it’s a good way to catch up on a lot of Christmas movies and a good way to satisfy my OCD.

On the 19th Day of Christmas my true love gave to me… Deck The Halls

If nothing else, writing a review for a movie containing the same title as a popular song gives me an excuse to replace the songs original lyrics with some surface critiques.  So, without further ado… Read More…

Welcome to my 31 Days of Christmas movie marathon.  This is a feature where I watch a different Christmas movie every day from now until Christmas.  The rules are simple: The movie has to be something I haven’t already seen and I must watch at least one Christmas-themed movie a day from now until December 25th.  They’ll be some bad ones and hopefully a lot of great ones.  Why put myself through this?  Because it’s a good way to catch up on a lot of Christmas movies and a good way to satisfy my OCD.

On the 18th day of Christmas my true love gave to me… A Christmas Carol

A catch 22: The trouble I have with Robert Zemeckis‘ films as of late (The Polar Express, Beowulf, and now A Christmas Carol) is that at the start of each one I feel like I’m watching the intro story line to one of the more recent realistic video games.  The problem I have with these video games, aside from my proneness to easily become obsessively addicted to them, is that I always feel like I’m trapped inside a Robert Zemeckis movie.

However, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  Being that I already know the Charles Dickens classic tale through numerous viewings of both the Muppets Christmas Carol and Scrooged with Bill Murray, and the fact that I was watching this by myself in the comfort of my own home, I thought, why not have some fun?  Placing one of my girlfriend’s video game controllers and resting it on my lap I began the movie.  Now I was ready to play A Christmas Carol, the game. Read More…