C’mon Hollywood, when it comes to making another quality Texas Chainsaw movie I think at this point it’s time to just throw in the towel.  Texas Chainsaw 3D is an abomination to not only its franchise, but to all slasher movies the world over.

I wanted to like this movie, honestly, I did.  Being such a huge fan of Tobe Hooper‘s horrifying and gritty original, a film that still shakes me to the core every time I watch it (at least a dozen by now), I was hoping that this might finally be the Chainsaw entry deemed worthy of attaching itself to the 1974 classic.  Needless to say, it wasn’t.

There are way too many reasons as to why this movie sucks as bad as it does, and truth be told, I’d be willing to overlook one or two of them in an attempt to merely view this as another thrill ride horror flick complete with all the clichéd scenarios that usually come with the genre.  Like I said, I wanted to like this movie.  But alas, when a slasher movie’s number of distracting elements are higher than its body count then something is clearly wrong. Read More…

High profile cover-ups, revenge fueled kung-fu, 3D aquatic life, girl models, what it’s like to be in love with a drug addict, Milla Jovovich in leather fighting more diseased zombies, and the life and times of the man responsible for Pee-Wee’s Playhouse.  What do all these people and places have in common?  They’re all featured in new films opening this week in San Francisco theatres.  To see the full list of films, trailers, and where they’re playing, follow the jump Read More…

This week’s new releases are all about survival.  There’s heated political campaigns, one-night stands, long-standing relationships, secret government weapon projects, the Serbian mafia, boarding school, extreme stupidity, jealousy, and an island of children forced into murder.  The last one, I’m sure we can all relate to, right?  All of these San Francisco releases are exploring one or more of these themes in one way or another.  Surely, at least one of them has to catch your interest.  To see the full list of films, trailers, and where they’re playing, follow the jump Read More…

June 1st: A Cat in Paris

A 2-D animated film with 3-D character development that features guns, hand-to-hand combat, references to “Goodfellas” and “Reservoir Dogs”, protagonists who are thieves and liars, awkwardly drawn female breasts, and to top it off, it’s suitable for children as well as adults.  This is animation at its best!

June 1st: The Loved Ones (AMC Metreon 16)

The only thing scarier than this terrifyingly bloody and crowd pleasing Australian gem about one high schooler’s unhealthy vicious obsession with another student is the fact that one of the most angsty and possible worst pop songs will be forever engrained in your head long after the movie has ended.  strangely enough, you won’t mind it one bit.  In fact, you’ll probably be crawling back for more.

June 1st – 3rd: Grand Illusion (Castro Theatre)

It is true that some movies can be, and often are, overhyped.  Not so is the case here.  How strange it is that a war film, 75 years old, can still hold its weight amongst all other war pictures that have been produced ever since, especially ones revolving around POWs.  Don’t believe me?  Go to the Castro theatre, marvel at the newly restored 35mm pristine print of Jean Renoir‘s greatest work, and see what all the hype is about for yourself.  I’ll be there.

June 8th: The Wages of Fear (SF Film Society Cinema/New People)

Two trucks carrying highly explosive nitroglycerine, four desperate men, and an unforgiving terrain, which, if not navigated properly could set any one of the trucks a blazing at any given moment.  How’s that for suspense?  As intriguing of a plot as that is, the real draw for me seeing this movie for only my second time is to once again get lost in both Armand Thirard‘s perfectly framed black and white cinematography, the incredibly natural performances that made me feel as though the actors weren’t performing at all, and of course Henri-Georges Clouzot‘s just overall direction.  Did I mention that the film is being presented on a new 35mm print?  Why would anybody in their right mind miss this opportunity? Read More…

A switch of venues today.  Moving from Japan Town to the Castro District I was on my way to see Francis Ford Coppola‘s latest movie, Twixt, but first I had some time to kill.

What better way to kill time than at the library?  The Movie doesn’t start until 7:30pm, and my watch, I mean cellphone – who wears a watch anymore? – read 5:00pm.  Going to the Library, which is located just a few blocks away from the theatre and is in a supposed non-violent and peaceful neighborhood, was an interesting experience on its own.  Peaceful at this library means people arguing in their outside mountaintop voices, sticky stuff on the keyboard resembling the ectoplasm from Ghostbusters, and 3 consecutive minutes of a blaring car horn as a result of somebody’s roidrage.  As soon as a little boy and his mother decided to sit next to me and start whining and bickering over how he didn’t want to read the book she picked out for him I was done.  Not wanting to stay in this “sanctuary” that is the public library anymore I made way to one of my real sanctuaries, the DVD store, particularly, Streetlight.

After talking to my buddy Art, who works at the store, about various cinematic topics including his love for Andrezej Zulawski films I made my way to The Castro Theatre.  Art, sorry I didn’t buy anything today.  I’m on a budget, and besides, you didn’t seem to have a copy of Francis Ford Coppola‘s Bram Stoker’s Dracula, which for some reason I was in the mood to buy.  Having killed enough time – my watch now read 6:30pm – I finally made my way to The Castro Theatre to grab my ticket for FFC’s latest stab at the Vampire genre. Read More…

Gunfighters, Alzheimers, alchemy, tobacco, and 3D dancing.  What do these things have in common?  They’re all featured in new films opening this week in San Francisco theaters.  To see the full list of films and where they’re playing follow the jump.

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Welcome to my 31 Days of Christmas movie marathon.  This is a feature where I watch a different Christmas movie every day from now until Christmas.  The rules are simple: The movie has to be something I haven’t already seen and I must watch at least one Christmas-themed movie a day from now until December 25th.  They’ll be some bad ones and hopefully a lot of great ones.  Why put myself through this?  Because it’s a good way to catch up on a lot of Christmas movies and a good way to satisfy my OCD.

On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me… A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas

Walking into the theater having already seen the first two Harold & Kumar adventures I knew what to expect from this latest outing, even before those cumbersome 3D specs ever hit my face:  Racist jokes, unnecessary - yet funny – nudity, marijuana, tender bromantic moments, and of course, a Neil Patrick Harris parody of Neil Patrick Harris.  I was not let down.  Not only did this movie deliver these things but it added in for good measure a pancake hating robot, some stop-animation, 3D penises, and a cameo by none other than Santa Clause himself. Read More…

July 3: A Night At The Opera & Duck Soup (Castro)

Two of my favorite Marx Brothers films in one night!  Bring out the whole family this Sunday and prepare to travel back to the early 1930s in true Castro Theatre grandiose fashion.  It’s one thing to laugh at Groucho’s lines in the privacy of your home, but it’s a true event to do it amongst hundreds in The Castro.

“Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you: he really is an idiot. I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers, who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary. I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth, or eleven years in Twelveworth” – Groucho Marx as Rufus T. Firefly in Duck Soup

July 6: Out Of The Past & The Night Of The Hunter (Castro)

Two film noir classics for the price of one staring Robert Mitchum.  First up its Out Of The Past with costars Jane Greer and Kirk Douglas.  I haven’t seen this one, but since I plan on seeing The Night Of The Hunter I thought I might as well check it out.  Apparently it involves danger, corruption, double crosses and duplicitous dames.  With all those elements in a highly rated noir film I don’t care what the plot is, I’m there.

Next up it’s the classic noir/thriller, The Night Of The Hunter, which aside from Mitchum also stars a somewhat naive Shelly Winters.  I recently picked up a restored copy of this film that Criterion released on DVD but have yet to watch it.  What could be better than viewing a classic for the first time on restored DVD… how about watching it at the Castro Theatre!? Read More…