The ABC’s of Death Review – All 26 of Them!

abcsofdeath1I certainly have written some dorkish reviews before, but this next one might be the dorkiest one of them all. I give you my alphabetical review of The ABC’s of Death, a conceptual horror anthology in where 26 directors each came up with a different short film to represent each letter of the alphabet.

two-stars1A is for Apocalypse (Dir. Nacho Vigalondo), or A is for Atrocious CGI accompanying average acting amidst an asinine premise.

two-stars1B is for Bigfoot (Dir. Adrian Garcia Bogliano), or B is for Bad behavior of babysitter as he butt bangs a bare breasted beauty before being brutally bludgeoned by a big bad boogeyman in bona fide B-movie fashion.

three-stars15C is for  Cycle (Dir. Ernesto Diaz Espinoza), or C is for Commendable crowning copycat creation about a Timecrimes-esq clone choking clone choking clone choking…. yeah, C is for Cycle.

four-stars4D is for Dogfight (Dir. Marcel Sarmiento), or D is for Damn! Dats da best use of slow-motion in a short film that I’ve seen in some time! (pictured above)

THE-ABCs-OF-DEATH-Imagethree-stars15E is for Exterminate (Dir. Angela Bettis), or E is for Eight legged egg laying ear exiting insects who excel in eliciting endless eerie-ness to Entomophobics. Entertaining.

two-stars1F is for Fart (Dir. Noboru Iguchi), or F is for Filmmaker’s far-out and freaky flatulence huffing fetish fantasy that’s far more fucking weird than funny. (pictured above)

one-star2G is for Gravity (Dir. Andrew Traucki), or G is for Give me back that 2 minutes of my life.

two-stars1H is for Hydro-Electric Diffusion (Dir. Thomas Cappelen Malling), or H is for Huh? This handiwork heteromorphic hop into history is about a hound and a… wait a minute, is he hitting her in the…? with a…? Huh?

two-stars1I is for Ingrown (Dir. Jorge Michel Grau), or I is for Intense ickiness ending idiotically.

one-star2J is for Jidai-geki (Samurai Movie) (Dir. Yudai Yamaguchi), or J is for Just another stupid Japanese extreme joke of a film.

three-stars15K is for Klutz (Dir. Anders Morganthaler), or K is for Killer kartoon krap.

one-star2L is for Libido (Dir. Timo Tjahjanto), or L is for Lewd for Lewdness sake.

one-star2M is for Miscarriage (Dir. Ti West), or M is for Misfired attempt at minute long motion picture making.

two-stars1N is for Nuptials (Dir. Banjong Pisanthanakun), or N is for Naughty non-thinking nincompoop and neat name-dropping bird in this not bad narrative.

O-IS-FOR-ORGASM-1200x675three-stars15O is for Orgasm (Dirs. Bruno Forzani and Hélène Cattet), or O is for Omnipresent orated ohhhhhhs over an ode to olden giallo-ish saturated oranges and other iridescent optical overlays. (Pictured above)

two-stars1P is for Pressure (Dir. Simon Rumley), or P is for Poor pretty kitty pays the piercing price of a penny-pinching prostitute in a picture apparently pieced together during post by a person in perhaps a puzzling piece of mind.

two-stars1Q is for Quack (Dir. Adam Wingard), or Q is for Quasi meta quick quip that’s questionably quirky.

two-stars1R is for Removed (Dir. Srdjan Spasojevic), or R is for Ravaged reel rearing and real gross man reaps revenge, runs away, then retreats beneath red rains.

one-star2S is for Speed (Dir. Jake West), or S is for Silly sub-par scripted scenes showing some sped-up space cadets’ suns set before being sent to the stars.

three-stars15T is for Toilet (Dir. Lee Hardcastle), or T is for Tee-hee-hee. This tale of a toddler’s tragic termination touched the tone of tibia tickling travesty to a T.

two-stars1U is for Unearthed (Dir. Ben Wheatley), or U is for Unworthy of being in the same filmography as Wheatley’s other feature-length gems, Sightseers, Kill List and Down Terrace.

one-star2V is for Vagitus (The Cry of a Newborn Baby) (Dir. Kaare Andrews), or V is for Vexatiously vacuous and vacantly vapid science-fiction view of Vancouverians vanquishing violence on the vulnerable vernal.

one-star2W is for WTF! (Dir. Jon Schnepp), or W is for Witless whopping weird waste of wadded whirlwind wickedness where walruses, warriors, wheelchairs, weapons, and walking dead wreck warlike wolfishness on the world?

1366444195-3270591103four-stars4X is for XXL (Dir. Xavier Gens), or X is for X-tremely hard to watch. X-tremely well-done. X-citing practical effects. X-cellent all around! (pictured above)

three-stars15Y is for Young Buck (Dir. Jason Eisner), or Y is for Yeah, cool music video of a youth yielding death upon a yokel.

two-stars1Z is for Zetsumetsu (Extinction) (Dir. Yoshihiro Nishimura) or Zoctor Zrangelove, or: how I learned to stop worrying and love the zonked out zippy zeal of Japan’s horror fantasies.

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Categories: Reviews

5 Comments on “The ABC’s of Death Review – All 26 of Them!”

  1. enana1
    June 28, 2013 at 12:45 pm #

    I like the reviews from this site, insightful and they either give pause before rushing off to the cinema or makes one want to run right out and see the flick. However, the review of the the ABC’S of Death, is one of the cleverest while to the point of any review I have seen in the past from any site. Amazing writing Adam, congratulations.

  2. Adam Cuttler
    June 28, 2013 at 12:56 pm #

    Thanks for the kind words, enana. it’s responses like yours that help keep this site running.

  3. July 11, 2013 at 1:40 pm #

    You did the a great work writing and revealing the hidden beneficial features of

  4. June 30, 2014 at 7:51 pm #

    XXL was my favorite too. :) Really well made and chilling.

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