C’mon Hollywood, when it comes to making another quality Texas Chainsaw movie I think at this point it’s time to just throw in the towel. Texas Chainsaw 3D is an abomination to not only its franchise, but to all slasher movies the world over.
I wanted to like this movie, honestly, I did. Being such a huge fan of Tobe Hooper‘s horrifying and gritty original, a film that still shakes me to the core every time I watch it (at least a dozen by now), I was hoping that this might finally be the Chainsaw entry deemed worthy of attaching itself to the 1974 classic. Needless to say, it wasn’t.
There are way too many reasons as to why this movie sucks as bad as it does, and truth be told, I’d be willing to overlook one or two of them in an attempt to merely view this as another thrill ride horror flick complete with all the clichéd scenarios that usually come with the genre. Like I said, I wanted to like this movie. But alas, when a slasher movie’s number of distracting elements are higher than its body count then something is clearly wrong.
So whose to blame for this being the mess that it is? Short answer; every single name listed on the closing credits, except for those fortunate names that had little, if any, to do with even the slightest of creative decisions. Catering, personal assistants, extras, and one or two of the gaffers get a free pass on this one. Everyone else, shame on you.
Seriously, those involved with the script churned out a ludicrously farfetched storyline that has to be seen to believed, but I’ll do you the favor of subjecting yourself to such stupidity and touch on just one of the numerous points now.
The story picks up just moments after the ending of part One. Outside the Sawyers house (AKA the Cannibal family) a lynch mob has just burned down the cannibal family’s house, slaughtering the entire Sawyer clan in the process… or so they thought. Flash forward to present day where we meet Heather, a young 20-something, who, as a Sawyer baby, was found among the burnt debris by one of the mob and smuggled out of the scene where she would grow up an adoptee.
Okay, so following the logic of the film’s reality, Heather, who was found in 1974 should now be 38 or 39. Seriously!? Look at her. Judging by both appearance and personality, this American Apparel model is clearly in her young 20s (picture below as proof). Do you know a 38 or 39-year-old woman who looks like that? I thought not.
Like I mentioned at the start of this post, I really wanted to like this movie, but it’s hard to enjoy even the simplest of popcorn escapism when being bombarded with plot holes, terrible acting, noticeable continuity goofs, and illogical situations.
I could spend this entire review tearing apart each and every aspect of this movie that makes zero sense (don’t even get me started on the asinine plot twist logic dictating that blood is thicker than water). Quite frankly though, garbage like this isn’t worth any more of my time. I have better horror movies to watch, like the original Texas Chain Saw Massacre for starters.